The annual missive

Dear Friend,

Season's greetings! I thought you would like to know what has happened to me and my wonderful family over the past year, so I am enclosing this letter with all of my Christmas cards. It has been a difficult twelve months, but I like to think that we have come through it all as stronger people.

My lovely wife Ingrid and I parted in January, after she found out about my little indiscretion with my secretary at last year's Xmas party. She took it very well in the circumstances, although I had to buy myself a new set of clothes after I came home one day to find that she had taken a pair of scissors to my entire wardrobe. Naturally, I responded to the divorce proceedings by declaring myself bankrupt, to prevent her from getting my half of the house - a ploy that would have worked had it not been for a recent decision of the Court of Appeal.

Ingrid still lets me see the children occasionally. The twins Ronnie and Reggie got into a bit of bother with the police, but they now proudly boast of their Asbos to their friends. As for little Chantelle, she managed to get herself pregnant but she says that she will get the baby adopted without telling the father, and no one will be any the wiser.

Here's hoping next year will bring better news!

Best wishes to all,

Chris Mastedium and the family.