My cat and I

I was talking with my cat last night. "Muhammad," I said, "what do you think of this 'missing canoeist' case?"

"Ah," he purred, "a very sad case. I'm sure the truth will soon come out, but I fear that he and his wife may be the most inept fraudsters since Bruce Hyman. To pose for a picture in the knowledge that it will appear on the internet requires breathtaking stupidity, just like sending a fraudulent email in view of a security camera."

"Yes, I suppose so," I said, "but why did he walk into a police station?"

"That's interesting," he said, and stopped to lick his paw. "I think he just got tired with the whole deception. He was fed up with pretending he was someone else."

"What, like Gordon Brown pretending he's the Prime Minister?"

Clearly amused, Muhammad began purring more loudly. "Sort of," he said, "but I don't think Gordon Brown has the sense to give himself up to the police."

"No, I think you're right." I replied.

Muhammad then became more thoughtful. "The people I feel sorry for are the children." He said. "It's so sad when parents put their own interests before their children."

"Yes," I said, "I often come across that in my work. Did you see that case in the Czech Republic where the court, fearing the mother was poisoning her daughter’s mind against the father, sent the child to a mental institution so that psychologists could work with her without the influence of the mother?"

"I did." Said Muhammad. "Madness - it's the parents who need help, not the child."

"Indeed," I said, "so what do you think will become of Mr and Mrs Darwin?"

"I don't know," said Muhammad, "I'm not a prophet."


  1. John... most enjoyable, if I may say so...

    More of this style? While I am but one visitor to your blog... I no longer have a wife, so I don't need to know anything about Family Law myself :-)

  2. Morning Charon,

    Glad you enjoyed it - I shall have to ask the cat if he agrees to more posts in this style. You may think you have no need for anything about family law now but beware - these women have ways of trapping you! ;-)


  3. I have been most fortunate in my marriages and divorces... they were all friendly and no lawyers involved at all - a bizarre concept these days, I grant you.

    I was even described by one judge (uncontested divorce) when the issue of costs was put (which I paid in advance for my then wife) - as 'reasonable' when the petition was based on my 'unreasonable behaviour' in working 18 hours a day.

  4. ...and I bet she didn't object to spending the money you earned working those long hours!

  5. I think the cat's excellent too, John - and very well named. Especially since he's all-wise and all-knowing. I hope we'll see a photo of him before long, though I'd understand if you felt publishing a photo of a cat called Muhammad might endanger your life, prevent your taking holidays in Egypt and so on.

  6. I don't mind, Carl. There's a picture of him here - I think that's the right link...


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