"Hey, Muhammad, what do you think of this?"

Muhammad reluctantly looked up from his bowl of Whiskas steam cooked turkey and gravy casserole.

"I've had a great idea." I said.

Muhammad clearly had no difficulty containing his excitement. "Oh yes?" He said, swallowing the last chunk of turkey.

"I'm going to write a play!" I declared. "About life and family law."

I could have sworn I heard Muhammad sigh. Undeterred, I pressed on: "It will be called The Seven Ages of Family Law, with seven acts, each representing a family law statute. Seven acts, get it? Clever eh?"

Strangely, Muhammad remained unimpressed. Instead, he just sat there, washing his face with a paw. "Don't you think that's a clever idea?" I asked.

"For you, I suppose." Replied Muhammad, uncharitably. Obviously, he was jealous he hadn't thought of it himself. I didn't let him dim my enthusiasm.

"Act One takes place at a fertility clinic, representing the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill."

"That's not on the statute book yet." Pointed out Muhammad.

"It will be by the time the play is performed." I responded quickly. "Anyway, there's a demonstration going on outside the clinic, by a religious cult opposed to the Bill - er, I mean Act. I thought Tom Cruise could play the part of the cult leader."

Muhammad raised an eyebrow. "What's Act Two about?" He asked.

"Act Two is when Tom Cruise marries a princess, representing the Marriage Act. They sell the wedding photos to a magazine, but the princess's grandmother doesn't like being in the pictures."

"Good grief." Murmured Muhammad, making his way towards the cat flap. "Dare I ask what Act Three is about?"

"Their divorce, of course." I replied enthusiastically. "Representing the Matrimonial Causes Act. You'll like this. The princess, who only has one leg, turns out to be completely mad. During the court hearing she tips a jug of water over Tom Cruise's lawyer's head and afterwards she rants to the press and..."

I turned around to see Muhammad's tail slipping through the flap.

"Wait!" I called. "Don't you want to hear about Act Four?"

The tail was gone.