The Seven Ages of Family Law

"Hey, Muhammad, what do you think of this?"

Muhammad reluctantly looked up from his bowl of Whiskas steam cooked turkey and gravy casserole.

"I've had a great idea." I said.

Muhammad clearly had no difficulty containing his excitement. "Oh yes?" He said, swallowing the last chunk of turkey.

"I'm going to write a play!" I declared. "About life and family law."

I could have sworn I heard Muhammad sigh. Undeterred, I pressed on: "It will be called The Seven Ages of Family Law, with seven acts, each representing a family law statute. Seven acts, get it? Clever eh?"

Strangely, Muhammad remained unimpressed. Instead, he just sat there, washing his face with a paw. "Don't you think that's a clever idea?" I asked.

"For you, I suppose." Replied Muhammad, uncharitably. Obviously, he was jealous he hadn't thought of it himself. I didn't let him dim my enthusiasm.

"Act One takes place at a fertility clinic, representing the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill."

"That's not on the statute book yet." Pointed out Muhammad.

"It will be by the time the play is performed." I responded quickly. "Anyway, there's a demonstration going on outside the clinic, by a religious cult opposed to the Bill - er, I mean Act. I thought Tom Cruise could play the part of the cult leader."

Muhammad raised an eyebrow. "What's Act Two about?" He asked.

"Act Two is when Tom Cruise marries a princess, representing the Marriage Act. They sell the wedding photos to a magazine, but the princess's grandmother doesn't like being in the pictures."

"Good grief." Murmured Muhammad, making his way towards the cat flap. "Dare I ask what Act Three is about?"

"Their divorce, of course." I replied enthusiastically. "Representing the Matrimonial Causes Act. You'll like this. The princess, who only has one leg, turns out to be completely mad. During the court hearing she tips a jug of water over Tom Cruise's lawyer's head and afterwards she rants to the press and..."

I turned around to see Muhammad's tail slipping through the flap.

"Wait!" I called. "Don't you want to hear about Act Four?"

The tail was gone.


  1. Oi! I was just enjoying the story and clicked on the read more link only to discover there wasn't anymore!

    Is the twist in the tail the cat getting it caught in the cat flap?

  2. :-) Muhammad is far too smart to do that!

  3. Really, bringing fairy tale princesses into disrepute! I'm not in the least surprised Muhammad left.

  4. Humph. And I thought it was a good idea.

  5. Does Muhammed smoke?

    I do notice, John, that Muhammed clearly enjoys his food - but, thus far, I can find no reference to his taste in wine.

    He doesn't know Dawn Primarolo MP does he?

  6. Muhammad doesn't have any human vices, and he wouldn't soil his paws with a politician.


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