Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Old John's Almanac 2009

Having once again successfully predicted the top family law news stories of the last year, here are my predictions for 2009:

January - The anticipated surge in divorces caused by the recession does not occur; divorce lawyers retrain en masse in insolvency work.

February - Madonna reveals that, contrary to previous reports that suggested she only paid £50 million, she actually paid Guy Ritchie £100 million from her estimated £300 million fortune.

March - Having spent her entire settlement on partying, Heather Mills obtains legal aid to launch an unexpected appeal. Fiona Shackleton invests in a bathing cap.

April - Desperate to drum up business, I do a centrefold in Playgirl. It is not a success...

May - Madonna reveals that, contrary to previous reports that suggested she only paid £100 million, she actually paid Guy Ritchie £150 million from her estimated £300 million fortune.

June - YouTube divorcée Tricia Walsh-Smith releases a new self-help video for women going through divorce: "How to Gain Sympathy and Influence the Court".

July
- Madonna reveals that, contrary to previous reports that suggested she only paid £150 million, she actually paid Guy Ritchie £200 million from her estimated £300 million fortune.

August - The Office for National Statistics announces that the divorce rate has fallen again. The Department for Work and Pensions announces that the number of unemployed solicitors has increased again.

September - Fathers' rights group The Real Families Need Fathers 4 Justice tries to bring the M25 to a standstill by demonstrating on a gantry over the road. Unfortunately, the M25 is already at a standstill, so no one notices.

October - Madonna reveals that, contrary to previous reports that suggested she only paid £200 million, she actually paid Guy Ritchie her entire £300 million fortune.

November - In Re: A Family Lawyer (Shoe Condition) Mr Justice Munby issues a warning to family lawyers about their failure to polish their shoes before attending court.

December - The BBC launches its new legal-reality series, The Solicitors. Viewing figures plummet.

Happy New Year!

4 comments:

  1. In case I decide to marry in 2009, can you advise me on a good divorce lawyer just in case she claims my dog coming between us in bed constitutes unreasonable behaviour?

    ReplyDelete
  2. John, I'm your man - there's nothing unreasonable about that, so long as the dog doesn't snore!

    Have a good New Year.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Typical lawyer, saying what his client wants to hear :-) :-) :-)

    Lets just hope your judge isn't a caninophobe!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Victor. Yep, always tell the client what they want to hear! ;-)

    Have a good New Year too.

    ReplyDelete

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