Having once again successfully predicted the top family law news stories of the last year, here are my predictions for 2009:January - The anticipated surge in divorces caused by the recession does not occur; divorce lawyers retrain en masse in insolvency work.
February - Madonna reveals that, contrary to previous reports that suggested she only paid £50 million, she actually paid Guy Ritchie £100 million from her estimated £300 million fortune.
March - Having spent her entire settlement on partying, Heather Mills obtains legal aid to launch an unexpected appeal. Fiona Shackleton invests in a bathing cap.
April - Desperate to drum up business, I do a centrefold in Playgirl. It is not a success...
May - Madonna reveals that, contrary to previous reports that suggested she only paid £100 million, she actually paid Guy Ritchie £150 million from her estimated £300 million fortune.
June - YouTube divorcée Tricia Walsh-Smith releases a new self-help video for women going through divorce: "How to Gain Sympathy and Influence the Court".
July - Madonna reveals that, contrary to previous reports that suggested she only paid £150 million, she actually paid Guy Ritchie £200 million from her estimated £300 million fortune.
August - The Office for National Statistics announces that the divorce rate has fallen again. The Department for Work and Pensions announces that the number of unemployed solicitors has increased again.
September - Fathers' rights group The Real Families Need Fathers 4 Justice tries to bring the M25 to a standstill by demonstrating on a gantry over the road. Unfortunately, the M25 is already at a standstill, so no one notices.
October - Madonna reveals that, contrary to previous reports that suggested she only paid £200 million, she actually paid Guy Ritchie her entire £300 million fortune.
November - In Re: A Family Lawyer (Shoe Condition) Mr Justice Munby issues a warning to family lawyers about their failure to polish their shoes before attending court.
December - The BBC launches its new legal-reality series, The Solicitors. Viewing figures plummet.
Happy New Year!














