Thursday, December 03, 2009

Letter From America

My cat and co-blogger Muhammad has been taking a vacation in America, staying with his distant cousin Bobcat Bill in the Catskills. Here is a letter that I received from him today:

Dearest Master John,

Well, I'm still getting over Thanksgiving - that turkey was the best I've ever tasted. I'll definitely need to go on a diet when I get back!

As I'm sure you've heard, the big news over here is the Tiger Woods story. Now, as you know I'm not one for tittle-tattle gossip, but Elie Mystal in Above the Law has written an interesting piece explaining why Tiger (I love that name) probably has to keep his mouth shut. You see, in Florida the police have a duty to investigate domestic disputes and prosecute the perpetrator of domestic violence, irrespective of whether or not the victim wants to press charges. So, if Tiger's wife did assault him (with or without a golf club - I love the irony of the world's greatest golfer being (allegedly) assaulted with a golf club), then staying silent could just be keeping her out of jail. As Mystal says, a lot of non-lawyers in America don't understand this and are upset at Tiger keeping silent, because it is damaging his image (as if (allegedly) seeing other women hasn't), to which Mystal says:

"I’d love to hear Tiger make this argument to Elin: “Hi honey. You know, even though you (allegedly) attacked me because I (allegedly) cheated on you, I can keep you out of jail. But I’ve decided against it. You see, it’s hurting my brand and my image to keep my mouth shut right now. Sorry. Don’t worry, I’ll find a really good (hot) babysitter to take care of the kids while you serve your time.”"

Excellent stuff. Incidentally, bookmakers over here are offering 3/1 odds that Tiger and his wife will divorce in the next 12 months. I bet their lawyers are salivating...

On the other hand, divorce lawyers in California will definitely not be salivating over the prospect that divorce may just be banned in that state. You remember doing a post some while back about California passing Proposition 8, banning same-sex marriages in that state? Supporters argued that a ban was needed to protect the sanctity of traditional marriage. Now, a supporter of gay marriage is taking that argument to its logical extreme, and saying that divorce is a threat to marriage. He is therefore pushing for a ballot measure to ban divorce in California. Sounds quite reasonable to me - maybe Tiger would do well to move to California.

On a more serious note, a case in Chicago has caused a bit of a stir. In England we may have grandmothers preferred to parents when it comes to bringing up children, but here they've gone one better and granted custody to a babysitter! The mother's lawyer says that he's been practicing [sic] law for 30 years, and has never seen anything like it.

Finally, I have to tell you about the weirdest story I've come across while I've been over here. I've never heard of a motorised bar stool before (there's something intrinsically wrong with the idea of a motorised bar stool, but I can't put my paw on it), but apparently twenty-nine-year-old Kile Wygle was convicted of driving under the influence after he crashed his bar stool in Newark, Ohio, in March. Meanwhile, the bar stool was seized by the authorities, who will be auctioning it on eBay this week, with the judge ordering that any profits should go towards the $37,000 child support arrears that Wygle owed. Looking at the bar stool, I'm not sure that the sale proceeds will be enough to clear the arrears. Still, full marks to the court and the authorities for their efforts to recover child support arrears - a lesson there for our own Child Support Agency, perhaps?

With that, I'm off to curl up for a kip.

All for now,


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