Thursday, December 31, 2009

Old John's Almanac 2010

Having once again achieved 100% success in my predictions for the top family law news stories of the last year, here are my predictions for 2010:

January - The bad weather returns, causing the country to grind to a halt again and preventing the annual January surge in divorces. Thousands of divorce lawyers take to the roads to clear the snow.

February - Tiger Woods A certain American golfer is granted a super-injunction by the High Court banning all reporting of his divorce in this country.

March - The Government calls a snap election; after a record low turnout, Labour loses when Gordon Brown forgets to vote.

April - The new Conservative government shows off its pro-marriage credentials by announcing that it intends to ban divorce. Unfortunately, they make such a hash of the No Family Law Act 2010 that it will never come into force...

May - Tesco start offering divorces. They can be found on the pharmaceutical shelves, in the painkillers section.

June - The legal aid budget for the year runs out. The media calls for fat-cat legal aid lawyers to work for nothing. Legal aid lawyers don't notice the difference.

July - A gallant England side lose the World Cup final to Germany on penalties. Fans turn to alcohol to ease the pain of defeat; fans' wives turn to divorce lawyers to ease the pain of their husbands...

August - The Office for National Statistics announces that the divorce rate has fallen again. The Department for Work and Pensions announces that the number of unemployed solicitors has increased again. (OK, I say this every year...)

September - News from America that a husband is claiming that his wife's hair should count as marital property. "Well, she spent enough of my money on hair-dos," he tells the court.

October - Fathers' rights group The Real Families Need Fathers 4 Justice pelt Prime Minister David Cameron with eggs. Labour promise to implement all their policies when they are returned to power.

November - Lord Justice Chumley-Smythe finds a way of getting the word "bollocks" into one of his judgments.

December - Senior management at the Child Support Agency are again named in the New Year honours list, for their services to the loss of billions of pounds in child support.

Happy New Year!

4 comments:

  1. Class as ever. Happy New year John

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Mark. Have a good one yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your research assistant intends to celebrate New Years Eve, so your in tray will be empty.

    Have a good New Year!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks, John. You too.

    I guess you've earned a break!

    ReplyDelete

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