Cohabitees flock to get married after Tories announce marriage tax break; divorces called off


Confident of a Tory victory in the upcoming general election, thousands of cohabiting couples who have up to now been living in sin are signing up to get married, so that they can claim the £150 a year marriage tax break just announced by the Conservative Party. Divorcing couples are also deciding to stay married so that they can cash in on the £3 a week jackpot.

Olivia Gullible, who is giving up her £50,000 a year job in ladies' underwear so that her husband Rupert can claim the tax break said: "It's wonderful. We're going to be so much better off under the Tories. Thank you, Dave."

Fred Dover, who has been involved in a protracted divorce battle with his wife Eileen, was ecstatic about the tax break: "Eileen and I have spent thousands on lawyers' fees," he said, "but now we're calling the whole thing off so that we can get our £150."

The Labour Party reacted to the news by announcing that it will increase child benefit by 1p a week. "That way, all families with children will be better off." A spokesperson said.

Nick Clegg of the Liberals said: "I wish we had thought of this policy first. Still, if I'm out of a job after the election, then at least my wife can get another £150 a year."

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