Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Anatomy of a Divorce - Part 12: All lawyers are fuckwits

"Are you sure you're doing the right thing?" Asked Shirley, her expression suggesting that she did not think he was.

"Damn sure. I've thought about this long and hard. All that idiot Charles is interested in is his fees. He doesn't give a shit about me." Replied Brian.

"But how are you going to get on in court without a lawyer?"

"I'll take my chances. Anyhow, Charles hardly stood up for me in court. Everything Liz asked for, she got. I can't do any worse than that."

Shirley was still dubious. "But how could he argue when you hadn't done what the court wanted you to do?"

Brian was now getting even more annoyed. "Why are you standing up for him? He was bloody useless."

"Then why don't you just instruct someone else?"

"What's the point? They're all the same. Pompous, money-grabbing bastards. Pretend they know it all, but they know nothing. All lawyers are fuckwits."

There was clearly no point in arguing further. Shirley turned to her PC as Brian began dictating a letter to his solicitor.

* * * * *

Brian's mood was not improved when he received this reply from his solicitor a few days later:

Dear Mr Jones,

Re: Divorce

Thank you for your letter of the 29th ultimo. I am sorry to note that you have not been entirely satisfied with the services of my firm, and that you wish to terminate your instructions. I shall be happy to release my file of papers to you, upon payment of the sum of £2,250.11, in settlement of my enclosed final account.

Yours sincerely,

David Charles.

5 comments:

  1. It has been found time and again that the biggest predictor of being a victim of Divorce was marriage; a staggering 100% of Divorcees were found to have been married before being Divorced. Conversely to this, 0% of people who are not married have been found to have been divorced, the statistics do speak for themselves.

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  2. It has been found time and again that the biggest predictor of being a victim of Divorce was marriage; a staggering 100% of Divorcees were found to have been married before being Divorced. Conversely to this, 0% of people who are not married have been found to have been divorced, the statistics do speak for themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you so much for the amazing Divorce Anatomy posts so far! I have been enjoying it very much! I am a law graduate who is currently looking for a training contract with a family law firm, and these posts have given me a nice insight into what a divorce is like!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Many thanks for that feedback. I'm glad you're enjoying this, and hope it hasn't put you off doing family law work!

    ReplyDelete
  5. John, hilarious!
    A New York Divorce Attorney

    ReplyDelete

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