A letter to Prince William

Prince William,
Clarence House,

16th November 2010

Dear William,

May we at Venal & Grabbit congratulate you on your forthcoming marriage. We are so thrilled by this news that we may even allow our staff 20 minutes off to watch the ceremony on TV.

Whilst writing, we felt that it would be prudent to advise you to enter into a pre-nuptial agreement. One cannot be too careful, especially when one stands to inherit such enormous wealth from one's grand-mama. If you agree, then we would be honoured to prepare an agreement for you, for a very reasonable fee.

Your faithful servants,

Venal & Grabbit.


  1. Yes, they should have one, and probably will, not sure we will ever know though.

    Good luck to them, the family have a few divorces between them. Most of his close relatives, Aunts and Uncles, great aunts and uncles, mum and dad, etc. not sure on her side tho.

  2. Dear Messrs Venal And Grabbit,

    We at Tightwad and Curmudgeonly (Personal Injury Solicitors and General Champions of Justice)are frankly appalled at your willingess to allow your staff 20 minutes of free time in order to observe the marital proceedings of the Wales'es.
    Our staff will consider themselves most fortunate if they are allowed 7.5 minutes and the consumption of a stale Tesco's Pork Pie by way of both observation and, indeed, celebration of this most auspicious event.
    Never let it be said that we at Tightwad and Curmudgeonly permi the wheels of justice to fall off the wagon of misfortune!!!!

    Sincerely Yours,

    Messrs Tightwad, Curmudgeonly and Binit, Solicitors (and all sorts of other things now that the legal aid budget is about to be slashed to the quick)

  3. Dear Messrs. Tightwad and Curmudgeonly,

    You are an inspiration to this great profession. Your very reasonable treatment of ungrateful staff will be given serious consideration at our next partners' meeting.

    Yours etc.,

    Venal & Grabbit.

  4. She was born at the same hospital as me and my children and my next child to be, I didn't think we were royalty before now. She even went to same school as my step children go.

  5. Dear Sirs
    On behalf of my surely distant relative (though I’m none too sure of the connection) can I just say how perturbed I am by your recent attempt to tout for business from her dearly beloved fiancĂ©. Any suggestion that my cousin several times removed is only marrying into the family to share in their wealth is an absolute disgrace. She is an intelligent young lady and will not be signing any pre nup you or your kind might care to put in front of her. If your potential client wishes to withdraw from the engagement that has just been announced as a result, then let him but he will not be getting the ring back!
    Yours faithfully
    Judith Middleton

  6. Dear Judith,

    We note your (somewhat tenuous) interest in this matter, and shall be advising our client accordingly, once he has instructed us (as we are sure he will).

    Yours etc.,

    Venal & Grabbit.

  7. Lol, not sure about that ring. Must be worth a bit, best broken up and made into other things. I know it's worth a bit, but not sure on the look. If I was her I'd ask for and wear a different one. Hope it's not cursed.

    He don't half look like her (Diana). Charles was typically grumpy on the subject on the news last night.

    If they don't do a pre nup, they could do a post nup. Or keep the family jewels in a trust fund I suppose. Then if they split he has no capital in his name.

  8. v&g

    don't worry about the pre-nup. play the (slightly) longer game and hold out for the divorce.

  9. Excellent idea, SW! You are clearly our kind of person.

    V & G.

  10. Julie Birchill has written that Kate is marrying beneath herself and could have been a very good Air Stewardess...

    I think what William really needs is a hair stewardess.

  11. i eagerly await messrs venal and grabbit's instructions.

  12. Hi John
    On a slightly more serious note, I am fascinated by the story that Prince William carried the engagement ring around in his rucksack for three weeks in Kenya until the time was right to propose. He did so by amazing coincidence on the very same date as the Radmacher judgment which made pre nups 'legal' as could be.
    I can well understand why The Firm would not want history to repeat itself so my question would be
    Is the Rpyal Pre Nup dated 20th October?!

  13. Hmm, interesting, Marilyn. Coincidence or conspiracy?

  14. No but it reminds me of what happened in White -v-White - lawyers were waiting for the outcome to advise their clients.
    If a Royal Pre nup was being done in any event, then it certainly makes sense to wait for the Supreme Court to hand down their judgement and take advantage of it.


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