"Ceremonies to celebrate divorces have gained momentum in Japan after the massive March earthquake and tsunami, followed by an ongoing nuclear crisis, caused unhappy couples to reassess their lives." - The Times of India, 5th July 2011
1. Here at Venal & Grabbit we firmly believe in the adage that in every disaster there is an opportunity. The Japanese experience has demonstrated this to be true.
2. Accordingly, we must be ready for the opportunities that natural disasters such as earthquakes, floods, volcanic eruptions, hurricanes, nuclear accidents, tsunamis or meteor impacts may bring to us.
3. To this end, we have installed a nuclear-proof bunker beneath our head office, complete with space and provisions for all essential staff. Non-essential staff (i.e. those whose fee income is insufficient) will have to take their chances outside.
4. Once it has passed, we will take full advantage of the increase in divorce work following the disaster by implementing an aggressive advertising campaign. An example advertisement may be seen above. The advertising drive will also ensure that as little of the new work as possible will go to any of our competitors who survived the disaster.
5. Once the advertising campaign is under way, we will implement an employment drive in our family department, so that we have the capacity to maximise fee income from the new work.
6. As soon as the increase in work has peaked (or in any event before they become entitled to statutory redundancy pay), we shall immediately dismiss all new staff taken on.
7. With this plan in place, Venal & Grabbit look forward to the next disaster.