Our ref: EV/B
RE: SMITH v SMITH
We have been consulted by your husband/wife, who instructs us that his/her marriage to you has irretrievably broken down due to your outrageously unreasonable behaviour. Accordingly, he/she has instructed us to issue divorce proceedings forthwith, including full particulars of said behaviour. He/she is also seeking an order that you be condemned in costs. You will shortly be receiving the divorce papers from the court, if you have not done so already. Once you do, you must complete the accompanying acknowledgement of service and return it to the court within seven days, failing which we will arrange for you to be personally served with the papers, at your own expense.
Our client has decided what should be the arrangements for the children, and these will be set out in a Statement of Arrangements for Children form accompanying the divorce papers. Please note that any attempt to alter these arrangements will not be tolerated. In particular, our client will not allow you to see the children until you start paying proper maintenance for them.
With regard to ancillary matters, we will need full and complete details of your means, in order that we can advise our client how much you must pay to him/her as the divorce settlement. Please therefore supply by return full documentary evidence of your income and assets for the last ten years. Failure to do so will result in an application to the court, for which you will have to pay the costs. You may also make an offer to pay our client, but please note that any such offer must not be derisory, or else we will inform the court that you are clearly engaged in a cost-wasting exercise.
Finally, we would not recommend that you seek legal advice upon the contents of this letter, as you will not find another firm with our level of expertise.
Venal & Grabbit