Venal & Grabbit Memo To Staff - TOP SECRET
Impressed by some of the excellent ideas contained in a blog post by Matt O'Connor of fathers' rights group Fathers 4 Justice (copied verbatim on Pink Tape), the Partners have decided to revise their Guidance to staff on how to make as much profit as possible, as follows:
1. Any display of human empathy, understanding or insight towards a client will be considered a sign of weakness, resulting in a severe reprimand. All staff are expected to have cold blood running through their veins!
2. All of humanity's failings should be viewed as an opportunity to convert conflict into profit.
3. On no account should any member of staff accept any responsibility for the mess in which a client should find themselves at the end of a case.
4. All fee earners should ensure that all clients are fully stripped of their assets by the time a case is finalised (of course, if this should occur before a case is finalised, then the firm should cease to act forthwith). To use O'Connor's words: Wring out every penny!
5. In children matters, high fees should always be justified by reference to "the child's best interests".
6. Henceforth, the firm will have a new motto: "Bigotry, ignorance and prejudice!"