ON THE STEPS of the Royal Courts of Justice, The Strand, London, the world's media have gathered to hear Edgar Venal give a press conference, following the end of the Lucrative case.
"Ladies and gentlemen," begins Edgar, "today the court has thoroughly exonerated my client, Scot Lucrative, by rejecting Mrs Lucrative's vindictive claims against him, and refusing her permission to appeal. The court found that Mrs Lucrative's malicious allegations that my client was hiding assets to prevent her getting a divorce settlement were untrue, and that therefore there are no matrimonial assets. Accordingly, all of her financial claims against my client have been dismissed."
Edgar pauses for a moment, for effect.
"Naturally," he continues, "my client is delighted by this verdict, which finally enables him to put these awful divorce proceedings behind him, and get on with his life. Hopefully, in the future he can er... re-gain his fortune."
He pauses again, whilst he adjusts the notepaper in his hand to ensure that the Venal & Grabbit logo at the top is visible to the cameras.
"This has been a long and difficult case," he concludes, "but by utilising my experience and the full resources of Venal & Grabbit, we have once again ensured that the court comes to the correct decision. Now, any questions?"
"Yes," pipes up one media hack, "at the beginning of the case there were some matrimonial assets. What happened to those?"
"Unfortunately," replies Edgar, "they were used up in my client's legal costs, defending against Mrs Lucrative's false claims."
"Once Scot Lucrative's money ran out, how could he still pay you?" Asks another media hack.
"No comment." Replies Edgar, slightly irritably.
* * *
A few days later at Grim Grange, John Jaundiced is relieved that Clint and Chantelle have left. After the end of the case their mother Michelle Lucrative announced that she is actually going to live with her new Russian Billionaire boyfriend in Monaco, and that she is now sending the children back to the private schools they attended prior to the divorce.
But the children are not the only people who will be leaving Grim Grange.
Ever since Allan Plastic came to Grim Grange for that first dinner, Prissy has been pursuing him relentlessly, showering him with hundreds of loving text and Facebook messages every day. Allan has finally succumbed to her advances, and agreed to marry her. The wedding will take place as soon as Prissy has finalised an exclusive deal with Goodbye magazine.
Prissy is dreaming of a life with her knight in shining armour.
John is dreaming of a life without Prissy's cooking.