Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Old John's Almanac 2015

Without further ado, here are my predictions for 2015:

January - There is general shock when Family Justice Minister Simon Hughes speaks an entire sentence without using the word 'mediation'.

February - The President of the Family Division Sir James Munby issues new guidance upon how to interpret the guidance to all of the other guidance he has previously issued.

March - Irate judges at the Central Family Court complain that the transparency drive has gone too far, after glass doors are fitted to the toilet cubicles in the judicial cloakrooms.

April - In a re-branding exercise aimed at getting rid of the stigma attached to it, the Child Maintenance Service is to get a new name. In future it will be known as the 'Child Support Agency' The Department for work and Pensions has promised '£0 million of new money' to improve the Agency.

May - Breakaway fathers' rights group The Even Newer Fathers 4 Justice stage a protest in the House of Commons on the 7th of May. Unfortunately, no one is there, as the general election is taking place.

June - The Marriage Foundation calls upon the new government to implement the Turn the Clocks Back to 1955 Act, because in 1955 no one cohabited and everyone was happily married.

July - In an effort to cut the cost of the family justice system the new government introduces 'Compulsory Agreement Mediation', whereby participants must not only attend mediation but will also be made to stay behind until they reach agreement.

August - The President decrees that his new Child Relations Arrangements Programme will not be known by its initialism.

September - With the number of lawyer-represented family litigants plummeting, the International Union for Conservation of Nature officially categorises the family law advocate as an endangered species.

October - Solicitor Cecil Snodgrass, representing a father seeking contact with his children, dies of shock after his client is granted exceptional legal aid funding.

November - Professional McKenzie friend Colin Vholes is unrepentant when the Supreme Court criticises him for ceasing to act for a former millionaire, after his client can no longer afford his fees.

December - Sir James Munby announces 'Divorce as an over the counter process', whereby all divorces will be issued and processed at the local post office.

Happy New Year!

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