It was a divorce lawyer's nightmare: 650 couples with 43,000 years' experience of marriage between them. They attended mass at the Roman Catholic Westminster Cathedral yesterday to celebrate the institution of marriage, but also to 'warn of the dangers of letting it go'. The event was organised by Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, the leader of the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales, a man whose personal experience of marriage is, of course, nil.

The Cardinal spoke of the effects of marriage breakdown on society and the importance therefore of couples staying together. Surely, however, the simple fact is that marriage is no longer viewed by many as 'for ever', so there is no point in exhorting couples to 'work at it'. I'm also not persuaded that changes in legislation are to blame for 'undermining family life', as the Church is suggesting - laws generally only react to what has already happened. Society itself has changed, and we need to learn to live with it, rather than try to turn back the clock.

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Here's a quick counterpoint to the post I did the other day about divorce rings - a computer geek's wedding ring, inscribed with binary. Translated, the inscription reads 'J S', the initials of the groom and bride. Let's hope they never get a 01000100 01001001 01010110 01001111 01010010 01000011 01000101.

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Yesterday Judith Middleton had a nice story from Malaysia about a man who divorced his two wives within minutes of each other. Well, I've got another story from that country. In this one, a woman is suing her husband for 3 million ringgits (about £480,000), for causing her to lose her virginity to him on the false promise that he would marry her and “take care of her”. The promise had been made when he asked her to sleep with him, but now his parents are apparently objecting to the marriage and vowing never to make her part of the family, with the result, she says, that it "is a marriage on paper only".

Now, I suspect that this kind of promise is made by many men trying to entice women into bed with them, so my advice to such men is to keep your fingers crossed when making it!

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Here's a common sense decision today by the Court of Appeal. In KC & Anor v City of Westminster Social & Community Services Dept. & Anor the court decided that an arranged marriage conducted over the telephone between an autistic British man who functions at or below the level of a three year old and a woman in Bangladesh would not be recognised under English law, despite the fact that it was valid under sharia and the law of Bangladesh. To Lord Justice Wall the case was about recognition of the marriage, rather than its validity. He stated that: "To the mind of the English lawyer ... such a marriage is perceived as exploitative and indeed abusive. Under English law, a person in the position of [the man] is precluded from marriage for the simple reason that he lacks the capacity to marry." Apparently, to the Bangladeshi mind such a marriage "is perceived as a means of protecting him, and of ensuring that he is properly cared for within the family when his parents are no longer in a position to do so." However, it is surely not the function of marriage to protect the vulnerable.

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Feeling in a generous mood, I thought I would again respond to some of the search queries that have recently found their way to Family Lore. Once again, my Disclaimer (see the sidebar) applies to what follows.

how do i get a court order to stop my wife from taking the net proceeds from sale of house

Presumably, the house has already been sold and is/was owned solely by your wife, in which case you can apply to the court for an injunction order restraining her from taking the money. If it has not been sold yet then you can register a matrimonial home rights notice at the Land Registry, which will have to be removed before the sale can be completed - you will only agree to its removal once you are satisfied that the net proceeds will not be distributed until their division has either been agreed, or determined by the court. If the house is or was owned jointly, then the conveyancer dealing with the sale should not distribute the net proceeds without the agreement of both parties, or a court order.

what is a draft consent order

And, by the same searcher:

is a draft consent order legal document

A consent order is simply an order, the provisions of which have been agreed by the parties. The term most commonly refers to financial/property orders in divorce proceedings. A draft order is usually prepared by one of the parties' solicitors, agreed with the other party's solicitor, and then sent to the court for approval. If the court approves the draft, then it will make an order in those terms. The question then arises: is an agreed draft consent order enforceable? The answer is that it probably is, unless it states that the agreement contained in the order will only be binding upon the parties in the event of the court making an order in its terms.

who killed shafilea ahmed

We don't yet know, but the police are investigating a number of possible leads, following a recent appeal on the BBC Crimewatch programme.

lawyer deliberately makes it worse for their client

Oh dear. Sounds like this could be a matter for the Legal Complaints Service.

csa liability order can't pay

A liability order enables the Child Support Agency to take action to enforce payment of child support. What happens next depends upon what type of enforcement action the Agency decides to take. For example, they could instruct a bailiff to take possession of the non-resident parent’s belongings and sell them to raise the money the non-resident parent owes, they could take enforcement action in a county court, or they could apply to a magistrates court for the non-resident parent to be committed to prison. Note that on a committal application the court must consider the non-resident parent's means, and whether there has been 'wilful refusal or culpable neglect' on their part.

what to do if you have been named as the person involved in adultery

If you have been named as a 'Co-Respondent' in divorce proceedings, then you will have been served with a copy of the divorce petition, together with a form of acknowledgement, which you should complete and return to the court, stating (amongst other things) whether or not you admit the alleged adultery. If you do, then the court could order you to pay all or part of the Petitioner's costs of the divorce. You should seek legal advice if you are not sure how to complete the form.

i want to change the arrangements for our children

The first thing you should do is to try to agree any change in arrangements with the other parent. If this is not possible, would they agree to discuss the matter with you and a mediator? If all reasonable efforts to agree fail, then you may make an application to a court for an appropriate order (which will depend upon the nature of the arrangements which you would like changed).

taking advantage family court

Huh? Who's taking advantage of who, and how?

remarriage legal advice child support

Remarriage by itself does not affect liability for child support, but if the non-resident parent's new spouse has dependent children, then the liability is reduced when the NRP and his/her spouse live together.

english family law wife equal

Yes - of course.

county court procedures decree absolute

The procedure on applying for the decree absolute depends upon whether you are the petitioner or the respondent. The petitioner may apply after six weeks have elapsed since the date of the pronouncement of the decree nisi, by completing a simple application form and paying the court fee, currently £40. The court will then send out the decree absolute. The respondent may apply three months from the date when the petitioner can first apply, but the procedure is considerably different, and may involve a court hearing. Note that if either party applies after 12 months have elapsed since the date of the decree nisi, then they will need to explain the reasons for the delay, whether there has been any resumption of cohabitation since the decree nisi, and whether the wife has given birth to any child since the decree nisi.

what to dress in law court

Well, I wouldn't recommend a black cocktail dress, fishnet stockings and high heels, as an American judge was found wearing recently (albeit not in court), even if you're a woman. I assume that the query comes from a non-lawyer (hopefully lawyers know what to wear), in which case there is no dress code, but I would recommend wearing something smart, such as a suit.

set aside consent order for material non disclosure

I suspect that this query may have come from a lawyer, so I'll be brief (look it up yourself!). Any order, made by consent or not, can be set aside for a material non-disclosure, but before you make the application ask yourself: would the court have made a substantially different order if the disclosure had been made?

grandparent's rights in divorce

Grandparents (presumably of the children of the divorcing couple) have no rights in connection with the actual divorce proceedings. If the query relates to contact with the grandchildren, see this post. Otherwise, the only other scenario in which grandparents may be involved is in any property settlement on the divorce, where they claim to have an interest in the property.

application for an order for disclosure of child's whereabouts

See this post.

application for ancillary relief for dismissal purposes only

These are required with applications for ancillary relief (i.e. financial/property) consent orders (see above) - the financial claims have to be made, so that the court can dismiss them. They are made by completing a Form A, and heading it with the words 'For Dismissal Purposes Only'.

complaints about mediators divorce

The mediation service should have its own complaints procedure. If you are not satisfied with the outcome, then you may make a complaint to the UK College of Family Mediators.

Lastly, a question that I can't answer:

why marry?

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Here's a great little story that appeared in The Times last month*. Anton Popazov and his wife Nataliya are members of the Moscow State Circus and part of their act involves Nataliya shooting an apple off Anton’s head with a crossbow. However, their marriage has broken down and they are now separated. Despite this, they are contractually obliged to continue performing together for another year. As the circus manager said: "It brings a little more tension to the act, to say the least." Quite.

[*At the time, I missed this story - hopefully something Nataliya won't do with the apple.]

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I didn't realise my cat Muhammad was awake as I scanned though the news items on the BBC website whilst eating my breakfast today. He was curled up on my lap, having just come in from his early-morning constitutional. He does, however, like to keep up with important world events, so he must have had one eye open. Then I clicked the link to this story. Have you ever heard a cat laugh out loud? Nearly made me choke on my cornflakes.

"What's the matter?" I asked, milk dribbling down my chin.

"You humans," he said, "are the funniest creatures."

"Why do you say that?"

"Marrying two monkeys in a Hindu ceremony!" Exclaimed Muhammad.

"What's wrong with that? - Perfectly reasonable."

"Well, everyone knows monkeys are Buddhists!" Replied Muhammad, giving me a sly look.

"Are they?" I asked.

Muhammad rolled over, giggling. For some reason, I sensed he was teasing me.

"You're having me on." I said.

Muhammad let out an exasperated sigh. "You humans," he said, "will never make anything of yourselves while you behave like this."

"You mean, marrying two monkeys is silly?"

Muhammad licked his tail thoughtfully. "Well," he said, "I suppose there could be some business in it for you." He purred.

My eyes lit up. "You're right." I said. "When they divorce!"

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Is there such a thing as 'romantic love', or is it just a delusion, perpetuated by purveyors of red roses and tacky cards? Is it not the case that we are all just selfish creatures, with nothing but self-interest at heart? Yes, we do form relationships, and we do get married, but perhaps that is just because at that moment in two people's lives their self-interest coincides. To then expect that self-interest to remain in unison for the rest of those two lives may be hopelessly unrealistic. This certainly seems to be borne out by the increasing numbers of older couples that get divorced today, and by the recent statistic that 59% of wives would leave their husband if they could afford to do so. So, who does your partner really love - you, or just him/herself?

Happy Valentines Day!

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Robert Verkaik, legal editor of The Independent writes today about pre-nuptial agreements, with particular reference to the Crossley case. I have of course already written about Crossley, here and here. Verkaik suggests that "the thousands of couples who pledge their troth on St Valentine's Day may find it would pay to spend a little time proposing the idea of a pre-nuptial agreement too". He points out that whilst pre-nups are not legally binding, the Court of Appeal in Crossley "showed that if both parties had given their free consent to the terms of a contract, then the court would try to honour it". One thing that I was not aware of is that "Mrs Crossley is understood to have now abandoned her claim against her husband, leaving the contract intact", although it seemed that she had little choice.

Thanks to that old romantic Charon QC for the link to this article. I shall be posting my own thoughts on the subject of romance tomorrow.

***

Update: The Times has confirmed that Mrs Crossley has abandoned her claim, calling her decision "a boost to the status of prenuptial agreements" (thanks to Current Awareness for the link). On the other hand, the Financial Times feels that the decision leaves uncertainty as to how pre-nups will be enforced, as the court will not be adjudicating the issue.

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Back in December I wrote a post about an Indian man who was divorcing his 'wife', despite claiming not to be married to her. Now a similar story is grabbing the media headlines in the subcontinent. The captain of the Pakistan cricket team, Shoaib Malik, is involved in a dispute with Ayesha Siddiqui, who wants a divorce from him, but Malik claims he can't divorce her because they were never married. Mind you, it's not entirely surprising that there is some confusion over the marriage when one looks at the ceremony which, it is alleged, took place over the phone. Apparently, such a ceremony can be valid - just hope you don't get a crossed line...

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Reported in the Telegraph and elsewhere today, a survey commissioned by West End solicitors Seddons reveals an extremely disturbing picture of marriage in Britain today, if the findings are to be believed. The study, of 2,000 married couples, apparently revealed that 56 per cent were not completely happy in their relationship and more than half had considered divorcing their spouse, with 29 per cent indicating that they were only staying in a 'doomed marriage' to avoid the financial upheaval of divorce.

Resisting the temptation to just make a frivolous comment about this being a great opportunity for divorce lawyers, I'll simply ask the question: are things really this bad? If they are, then perhaps we all need to be educated about the realities of marriage.

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Inspired by this excellent recent post by Nearly Legal, and in the same spirit of philanthropy, I thought I would do something I don't usually do, and answer some of the questions that have led people to Family Lore over the last couple of days. Naturally, my Disclaimer (see the sidebar) applies to what follows.

does the guilty party pay the costs in a divorce

If the divorce is based upon adultery or unreasonable behaviour, then the court will usually order the 'guilty party' to pay the other party's costs, unless there is already an agreement as to who will pay the costs.

appeal a divorce consent order

It is very unlikely that a court will review a consent order, whether by appeal, or having the order set aside. The most common reasons for such a review are fraud, material non-disclosure, or a new event since the making of the order which invalidates the basis upon which the order was made.

ca legal advice to women marrying rich man

Don't sign a prenuptial agreement!

gays own house who deducts

Who deducts what? If we are talking about the division of property at the end of a relationship, then the rules that apply depend upon whether the parties have entered into a civil partnership. If they have, then the rules are similar to those on divorce: the court can make whatever order it sees fit in all the circumstances. If they have not, then basic property rules apply - i.e. start with what the deeds say.

grandparents rights of contact; and
do grandparents have any legal rights

Yes. See this post.

mother moving within united kingdom and fathers contact; and
a residence order for my child has been granted. can i move elsewhere in the uk

I discussed these issues with a commenter to this post. As I stated there, the general principle is that parents are free to move anywhere within the United Kingdom. If a mother wants to take the children to another part of the UK and the father objects, then he has two options: to apply for a prohibited steps order to stop her taking them there, which will only be granted in exceptional circumstances, or to apply for a residence order, in which case the court will decide whether it is best for the children to remain with him in the same area, or to go with the mother. If the mother does move, the father will still have a right to contact with the children, although obviously the terms of the contact will probably have to be re-negotiated, or varied by the court.

when i divorce how much of my husbands pension will i receive

The answer, as always, is 'it depends', but the starting-point is equal division, so in a long marriage where the wife has no pension and the husband's pension has accrued entirely during the marriage, then the wife can expect to receive half.

can a cohabitee claim maintenance fees free move

Not sure about the 'free move' part of this, but the current position is that cohabitees cannot claim maintenance for themselves.

civil law on breach of a financial settlement retaining an ex spouses personal property

If the settlement has been incorporated into a financial/property order, then you should apply to the court to enforce the order. If no order has yet been made, then make sure it deals with personal property.

I'll finish off with a couple of more abstract questions:

unanswered questions about divorce

Aren't there always?

what is the good recent about take the divorce

What indeed?

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Another tragedy reported today by the BBC is that of 17-year-old Shafilea Ahmed, whose body was found on a Cumbrian riverbank in 2004 after she went missing in September 2003. At the inquest the coroner has ruled that she was unlawfully killed and said that he "believed the concept of an arranged marriage was "central" to the circumstances leading up to her death". I can't say whether the Forced Marriage (Civil Protection) Act 2007 would have saved her if it had been passed before her death, but the case is another clear demonstration of the need to protect individuals against the appalling concept of forced marriage.

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Here's another piece of unnecessary suffering caused by religion. In India, Hinduism frowns on widows remarrying, with the result that "a woman can quickly lose her dignity, even her basic rights, when she loses her husband". Many find themselves destitute, relying on charity or even begging and many "are dumped by their relatives in religious towns". India has an astonishing 33 million widows, some of whom are very young. The Indian government has outlined plans to help them, but it seems to me that the best solution to the problem would be to outlaw this appalling religious discrimination, although I realise that such nonsense can be so deeply ingrained in the minds of those who know no better (encouraged by religious leaders with a vested interest in perpetuating it) that this is easier said than done.

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Here's a conundrum: Can a man who claims not to have married a woman seek a divorce from her? This is the problem facing the principal judge of the Gaya family court in India, in the matter of Rajesh Majhi versus Pramila. Majhi has presented a petition for divorce in which he claims that he hasn't married Pramila as per Hindu rituals. Now, I'm no expert on Hindu marriages, although I do remember many years ago acting for an Indian client in which the question arose as to whether his 'marriage' in a remote Indian village would be recognised under English law. The conclusion, I recall, was that it would not, with the result that there could be no divorce proceedings in this country. Accordingly, if Mr Majhi's 'marriage' is not recognised under Indian law, then surely the court cannot grant him a divorce. Of course, it is very odd that Majhi seeks a divorce and claims he is not married in the same petition. Surely, the logical thing to have done was to first seek a declaration from the court as to the validity of the marriage, and only then issue divorce proceedings if the court found that the marriage was valid?

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As a sad footnote to this earlier post, it seems that a honeymoon with her 24 year old groom was too much for 82 year old Adelfa Volpes, who died of heart problems less than a month after the wedding.

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Scottish scientist, businessman and chess International Master David Levy has been awarded a doctorate by Maastricht University for a thesis entitled "Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners". He wrote: "Trends in robotics and shifting attitudes on marriage are likely to result in sophisticated robots that will eventually be seen as suitable marriage partners".

Presumably, if you marry a robot then you will have to divorce it when the relationship ends, so even in this brave new world there will still be work for us divorce lawyers.

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I never like to disappoint any reader coming to Family Lore, but sometimes it's just impossible to satisfy their requirements. Yesterday a (presumably) gentleman from Lahore was directed here by the ambitious search string: "Rich families in UK who wants groom". Sorry, but I am neither rich nor the right sex.

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I attended a friend's wedding at the weekend. Naturally, like any good divorce lawyer I handed the bride and groom a copy of my business card.

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In this recent post I suggested that tax changes were one reason why fewer couples have chosen to marry in the last ten years. The Labour Government has long made it clear that tax policies should not favour married couples as this would discriminate against cohabitating couples, single parents and their children. Until now. In what looks suspiciously like another example of Labour hijacking Tory policies, Andy Burnham, the Chief Secretary to the Treasury, has hinted in an interview with the Daily Telegraph that the Government is considering tax incentives for married couples. Burnham said that there is a “moral case” for promoting marriage through the tax system, which seems a strange thing for a Labour Minister to say.

Of course, whether any tax changes will have a bearing upon the number of couples choosing to marry remains to be seen.

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